Click on the following link and read 3 sample essays. Which was the best one and why? From the Do's and Don'ts list, what did the student do well or not so well?
The best essay to me is"My Role Model" by Kim S. It gives us a sense of what she wants to be in the future. Kim did well in including herself in her essay. The thing she didn't do so well on was that it focused on her mother then on her.
I agree with Enzo on the fact that Kim had a great story, but her main focus was suppose to be on herself and it she talked a lot more about her mother. Overall, it was a great essay and engaging but she has to follow the rule that they want to know about who she is as a person and not about her mother. Yes, she can talk about her mother having an impact on her, but not too much. -Saira Madrigal
The best essay to me is "Accepting Reality" because i believe that is the best essay that explains an experience that shaped them into the person they are today. As well as talking about themselves and not writing too much about anyone else. From th e Do's list, they mainly talk about themselves and may include others but does not have the main focus be on them. Including the fact that the writer is in an uncomfortable situation yet they show that it has a positive outcome and doesnt sound as negative. The student rarely has anything from the Dont's list.However one thing she does from the Don'ts list is somewhat not stay on topic she went back in fourth and not a clear manner.
"Music Is My Life" really stood out to me because of its great hook and conclusion. It gave the reader a perception of a determined person who can look up to people and become them. This essay also implies that the author is committed to the one thing she loves - music. Although she focuses too much on that aspect of her life, it gives the reader insight of her life and may relate to the author.
"Better Barbie" is the best essay because i liked how it gave a great description of the childhood and how that linked to what they want to persue in the future.
"Better Barbie" really stood out to me because of its great use of details and imagery that described the author's life lesson. It let me pictured of the moment of the author's experience of having to relate her connection to a barbie that she threw in her young age. This author did a very brilliant job by making her essay full of colors and liveliness, which made it interesting to read. However, I felt like the author didn't keep her words to a maximum of 500. Overall, the student did a great job on having to describe a moment of her life and how this object that she described had shaped her.
The essay I enjoyed reading the most was "My Life Story" by Carrie N. I think the overall presentation of the essay could have wrapped together nicer, such as her first opening sentences or her use of elementary words, but her message of overcoming dropping out of high school and doing drugs and all of these things were extremely powerful. A lot of the events portrayed in the essay reminded me a lot about "Always Running" as well.
The best essay is "time" because I liked how it emphasizes the real use of time and how it can easily go away. The writer makes the word "time sound more tense due to the fact that each individual has to do so many things in so little time. Such that the reader understands and relates to the writer because of the stress, but the writer gives his story of managing the time right.
Out of the three sample essays I had read: Experience in My Life, Speak and Accepting Reality, I find Speak by Katrina A as the best one out of the bunch as it reflects on the struggle of expressing herself externally, but through poetry, she is capable of revealing more. The student did well in terms of using a quote in the beginning and how it helps tie the essay together. The fact that it zooms into the moment of joining poetry slam and the courage to perform her poems in front of others, it showcase growth as a person. The details scripted flows nicely throughout the narrative.
The best essay to me was "My Life Story" because it shares a very positive story and shows how the person persevered and got themselves back on track. I like how the writer of this essay portrays themselve as someone who didn't give up which shows a lot about his character. Something they could improve on is choosing higher vocabulary.
The essay that was the best was “My Life Story” by Carrie N. The author successfully interprets her transition from her life falling apart, to slowly getting back on track. She confidently describes her struggles to build a relatable connection to her readers. She also not only focuses on her failures, but she describes what action she took for her problems. The overall message of the essay about taking the wrong turn in life can be discussed by many people, however the author manages to organize her essay with good details and description. Vocabulary and sentence structure can be improved.
Out of the three essays, I think "My Life Story" is the best. This essay reflects the struggles and triumph of the author and not of other people. Carrie N. portrays the difficult phase a teenager goes through, but concludes with the writer's changed perspective on life. The overall essay was a bit negative, but success is reached towards the end. From the Don'ts list, I just think the essay was a bit lengthy and it took forever to get to the main point. I would advise Carrie N. on adding how (the hard work it took to bring grades up and what he used as motivation) he worked on getting better.
The essay I enjoyed reading the most was "My Life Story" by Carrie N. I really liked how she described her situation and how she overcame it on her own. Something she could improve on is higher vocabulary.
From the three essays, the one that stood out to me was "Agnes" because they share something very important to the writer. Also i like that the writer of the essay stayed focus on themselves, even if they were talking about a cat, she was talking about something that she loved, which keeps her on track. What this essay can improve on is their last paragraph, they can stop asking questions that aren't necessary.
The college essay that had the greatest meaning and stood out to me was "My Life Story" by Carrie N. Hillsboro. Not only does the author tells us about the negative side to them, referring to their mistakes but Carrie explains to us about how he/she tried to fix it and get back on track. She/he knew what they were doing was not the right thing to do, so that is why he/she changed her life back around before it was to late.Although the author on the other had had good connections, connections that can even be compared to Luis Rodriguez from the book Always Running. They both face hard times when they think that their lives are going "down hill" yet both make an effort to switch the outcome around and hope for the best.
"My Role Model" is the essay i think has the best concept because it shows that parents can literally be teachers . Also the writer mentioned her mothers education level also so it may suggest you are never to old for school. "My Life Story " as an essay has a strong message but the writer should have focused more on how they drastically changed their life for the better .The essay which had the most Don'ts is "Anges" because the writer does not answer the prompt.
Overall after reading 3 essays, the one that stood out to me was " My Life Story" by Carrie N. She recounted how her life was torn apart after the move and told us the steps she took to rebuild her life. She also described how she never gave up and told the story in a way that others could relate to her. Some thing she did well was that she talked about herself in pretty much most of the essay , but she could improve on using more complex vocabulary. Also most of the essay was negative, but as the story went on is stated to get positive. In my opinion the story should be more on the positive side talking about she tried to repair all her issues
"My Next step" by Yoanna T was the best essay i read. The writer discusses her journey to America to pursue a better life. She shows her embrace of her culture while briefly using effective monologue in Spanish. This essay is very inspirational and serves a perspective of under-represented culture. The writer makes sure not to complain about their hardships and focuses on the actual overcoming and accomplishments she made.
I like the essay "The Rainy Day", this is a short essay; however, it contains lots of imagery, which I love to read works with imagery. I like the way the author compare himself to the drop of rain. The last sentence hits me the most, "After rain has gone, what next is a flower going to bloom." This sentence considers a metaphor, and it has a very deep meaning within it. Maybe because I could relate to it, children in my country usually run outside when it's raining and shower under the rain, I find this piece of short essay is very attractive and engage me.
The best essay I found was an essay titled "Failing Successfully". In it, the author recounts a time where she had failed multiple times, but continuously aimed at bettering herself. I find it to be the best essay because she goes through the entire process of how she began to better herself, who else she admired had failed and still succeeded. Of the Do's, she was very concise, getting across a clear message of who she was. One of the don'ts, however, was that she began to speak a little too much on another character in her essay. Additionally, she gave a subtle h
"The power of words" sought out to me the most because the writer proved how to look beyond and towArds the bigger picture. They use their wording excellently and effectively in a sophisticated manner. The use of their evidence is stunning because it shows people can become much better and expand their minds if they open their eyes and actually see what's in front of them looking past the norms.
"Something About Myself" was an essay that stood out to me. The writer was able to use his everyday life to make a big connection of why knowledge is only useful when it is applied. The people he meets and the things he does brings applies what kind of person he is. At the beginning of the essay there is a definition of a law that is from his math lesson and that a great way to bring us into the moment in his class. The use of vivid details makes it a insightful and well written essay.
The essay "Failing successfully" by Candace M., stood out to me the most because even though she had lost the speech competition, she was very positive about the results. She then found an inspiration through Abraham Lincoln's speech to write another essay, but she had failed the second time. She was still positive and even if she had lost again, she had discovered a new perspective.
The essay that I enjoyed the most was "My Life Story". This story caught my interest because the writer talks about how she struggled in her life because she had trouble snapping into reality and I felt that I could personally relate to that. The essay was organized well and flowed very smooth. What the author did well was that she showed how the negativity molded her and allowed her to "snap into reality". The cons of this essay was that the author described a little too much negativity which gave off a feeling of pitty. However, this was the essay that interested me the most.
The essay that I liked the most was "My Life Story" by Carrie N. because I can relate to this a bit. She opened up with how she felt then moved on to why she felt like that. She was stating how she made bad decisions on a change that she didn't want to happen, but then she saw how she wasn't doing any good seeing how her and her friends were getting in trouble so she decided to turn everything around she started thinking about herself and how she wanted to do better, overall this essay caught my attention the most.
"My life story" is a great personal statement the writer chooses a part of her life that was the turning point of her life. She stayed honest without running on with her details and stook to her story all at once. She did leave some parts out of how she was before moving but the way she described herself when she moved was spot on. I can relate also because I also had to move schools and blaming it all on my parents for not moving me back but in reality it was my fault. This is why this essay in my opinion is the best out of the three because I can relate to the authors struggle.
"My Education" by William T. Is the best essay because this person only focus in them self and did not use cliche sentences in thier essay. This person not only did he say an emotional story but also explained how he over came evey obstacle.The other reason why this essay stood out to me was because i can relate to them.
"My Education" by William T. Is the best essay because this person only focus in them self and did not use cliche sentences in thier essay. This person not only did he say an emotional story but also explained how he over came evey obstacle.The other reason why this essay stood out to me was because i can relate to them.
In my opinion, "Failing Successfully" by Candice M. was the best essay because it was a story of improving oneself and it's fine to fail as long as you learn something from it. The student did well in using a variety of words and syntax to make the essay intriguing and had an optimistic view of failing.
The best essay I read had to be "Football" by James C. It was not what I was expecting. I was expecting the cheesy and cliche plot of "failing to make the team, making the team, and then game winning play." It was nothing like that actually. He talks about the lesson that football and his season-ending injury taught him. Effort and attitude will always be within your control and no matter what you have to do what needs to be done. The author even provides quotes from his coach, and a clever analogy of the bear. This story showed that the only thing that can really hold you back is you.
The best essay I read had to be "Football" by James C. It was not what I was expecting. I was expecting the cheesy and cliche plot of "failing to make the team, making the team, and then game winning play." It was nothing like that actually. He talks about the lesson that football and his season-ending injury taught him. Effort and attitude will always be within your control and no matter what you have to do what needs to be done. The author even provides quotes from his coach, and a clever analogy of the bear. This story showed that the only thing that can really hold you back is you.
The best essay I read had to be "Football" by James C. It was not what I was expecting. I was expecting the cheesy and cliche plot of "failing to make the team, making the team, and then game winning play." It was nothing like that actually. He talks about the lesson that football and his season-ending injury taught him. Effort and attitude will always be within your control and no matter what you have to do what needs to be done. The author even provides quotes from his coach, and a clever analogy of the bear. This story showed that the only thing that can really hold you back is you.
The best essay I read was "My Dream" by Rachel P. because she writes positively about a difficult time in her life. She does not make excuses for herself and instead talks about how her father's illness has shaped her dreams. The student also demonstrates knowledge of the college that she is applying for and, although she talks about her father, she focuses the essay on herself.
Personally the best essay i have read was " My Dream" by Rachel P. for when i read the title i would have expected it to be another cliche type of essays about dreaming big or something. This essay surprised me because the author described a part of his life were life is not being to fair, but he uses it not for pity or remorse but instead he used it to show how it helped him be able to write for is if it was not for this event then he would be able to write about the reality the author lives in.The author enjoys writing and it shows within the essay the detail and also the passion is felt with precise use of words and complex syntax.
Out of all the examples I believe the best essay was Self Confidence because although the waves struck them down, fear ran through their body they did not give up. They got back up and went back out to the ocean. By having confidence in themselves it caused them to face the fear and conquer it, by not turning back they became a stronger person in general.
Flying by Linsday G. Hewlett was one of the best essays i read from the others because she grabs the readers attention right away in the title and intro. Not only that, but the writer focused on one event , wrote about herself , used figurative language to create a image as to what was going on, used hidden humor, and towards the end explains what she had learned/gained from that experience.
I think I would have to pick ''my role model" as the best one. Only because she brings you into her personal life and introduces her mother and how she really affected her . Yes I believe she should of spoke about herself more and not so much about her mother but it just shows how much her mother meant to her. She gave you a more inside look on her personal feeling unlike the other writers.
My favorite one was My Hometown because it was really detailed and gives a lot of imagery. I enjoyed reading about her experience in a small town and relate to her similar feelings she has about her home. However, she could have talked more about her rather than her ancestors and the people of the town and could have used less cliches in her statement.
My favorite essay was"my role model". The essay is very casual and clean. It does a great job in presenting her dream and aspiration through the use of a person. I enjoyed the detail and presentation. I did however think it was a bit to clechie. Kim uses a motherly image as the perfect image she wants to imitate.the essay also focuses to much on her mom.
Out of the three essays that I read, "Just Give Me a Chance" was the one essay that did some of the things that we discussed that should not be done. The writer starts off the essay by saying how she "has faced miles of hopelessness, years of pain, and an ocean of sorrow, but also has been drowning in her own tears looking for an escape", and leaves things on a negative note. She also describes herself to be ambitious but doesn't really show the readers what she has done to prove that she is. The writer should have focused on being more positive and showing rather than saying.
Out of the three sample essays I read, the one that really stood out to me was "five hundred words" by coleeeeee123. The way he/she repeated the the title throughout the essay really grasped my attention. He/ she talked about the situation in writing a personal statement and not knowing what to write. Then firmly states who he/ she is which is which is good because this essay is suppose to explain who you are. He/she also states who she will become giving that determined tone to the essay. Bringing the struggle of writing a personal essay into this person essay also reveals the reality and the opinion from them. Even though he/she stated that he/she is opinionated I would have already thought that without him/her saying that. I think this person did a very good job and I can't think of any "don'ts" that they did do because they just took my breath away. -samantha lopez
The essay I found amazing was called "Just Give Me a Chance." I really like how the writer didn't talk about how her life was full of problems, instead she compare her life with others to demonstrate that even though she has lived a tough life she is determine to succeed by just wanting a chance to be accept into college. She talks about her life her and there but doesn't make the reader feel sympathy for her.
The essay that i found most interesting was, "Flying," by Lindsay G. I enjoyed this essay because the story she described is filled with suspense. It does not directly tell you what she is doing, but rather just explains how high she is and how she felt she was going to die. This is a nice example of a story where one had to face their fears although she says she didn't get over her fear of heights. From the list of don'ts, she didn't have much cliches and the ending was rather original.
An essay I found engaging out of all others is called "Speak" by Katrina A. One thing she does well is the pace of her essay, the shifts and syntax in story are smooth and her last paragraph is intense with imagery and idea. I Like how she got the name of her essay by her poem "unspoken". One thing she is lacking in her personal essay is a bit more insight into her dream and aspirations.
In my opinion, the essay that was the best for me was " My Life Story". The writer presents her life struggles and the downward spiral she was heading towards, but then realizes the path she was facing wasn't going got benefit her in any way and ended up changing her way of life. The writer did well on staying personal to herself and describing her life struggles, but what she needs to improve on is using more complex vocabulary and not sticking to much on the negative side.
The essay I felt was the best was “Failing Successfully” by Candace M. because it was more vivid and thorough in comparison to the other two essays. What really caught my eye in this essay was that the author went in depth to one specific event; she starts off her essay with the day of a contest and explains nerve wreaking results where she finds out she didn’t place 1st, 2nd, or 3rd. On the Do’s list she did a great job on answering the prompt, one main specific event/scene, and is not cliche because she makes it her own by taking the reader to that specific contest day. She didn’t have much of Don’ts but one that caught my eye was the fact that she talked so much about Abraham Lincoln it almost made it seem like it was about him and not her.
"My Role Model" is a great essay and topic. Although the writer could have done a few things to fix this essay. Such as when talking about her mother, she talked more about herself, she'll give many reasons why her mother is an inspiration but when it comes to how she inspired her, she'll write only a few sentences about herself. Also her choice of words are not so well and could have been proofread. Overall, I would keep the topic, it's a great essay only needs corrections.
I highly agree with Andrea Morales in the essay "My Role Model" therefore the author talks about how much her mom has done for her and how Kim explains that she wants to be just like her mom but I think Kim should talk a little bit more of herself. good topic, could relate to it.
The best essay to me is"My Role Model" by Kim S. It gives us a sense of what she wants to be in the future. Kim did well in including herself in her essay. The thing she didn't do so well on was that it focused on her mother then on her.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Enzo on the fact that Kim had a great story, but her main focus was suppose to be on herself and it she talked a lot more about her mother. Overall, it was a great essay and engaging but she has to follow the rule that they want to know about who she is as a person and not about her mother. Yes, she can talk about her mother having an impact on her, but not too much. -Saira Madrigal
DeleteSorry I forgot to sign out of my dads email, but its my comment Saira Madrigal
DeleteThe best essay to me is "Accepting Reality" because i believe that is the best essay that explains an experience that shaped them into the person they are today. As well as talking about themselves and not writing too much about anyone else. From th e Do's list, they mainly talk about themselves and may include others but does not have the main focus be on them. Including the fact that the writer is in an uncomfortable situation yet they show that it has a positive outcome and doesnt sound as negative. The student rarely has anything from the Dont's list.However one thing she does from the Don'ts list is somewhat not stay on topic she went back in fourth and not a clear manner.
ReplyDelete"Music Is My Life" really stood out to me because of its great hook and conclusion. It gave the reader a perception of a determined person who can look up to people and become them. This essay also implies that the author is committed to the one thing she loves - music. Although she focuses too much on that aspect of her life, it gives the reader insight of her life and may relate to the author.
ReplyDelete"Better Barbie" is the best essay because i liked how it gave a great description of the childhood and how that linked to what they want to persue in the future.
ReplyDelete"Better Barbie" really stood out to me because of its great use of details and imagery that described the author's life lesson. It let me pictured of the moment of the author's experience of having to relate her connection to a barbie that she threw in her young age. This author did a very brilliant job by making her essay full of colors and liveliness, which made it interesting to read. However, I felt like the author didn't keep her words to a maximum of 500. Overall, the student did a great job on having to describe a moment of her life and how this object that she described had shaped her.
ReplyDeleteThe essay I enjoyed reading the most was "My Life Story" by Carrie N. I think the overall presentation of the essay could have wrapped together nicer, such as her first opening sentences or her use of elementary words, but her message of overcoming dropping out of high school and doing drugs and all of these things were extremely powerful. A lot of the events portrayed in the essay reminded me a lot about "Always Running" as well.
ReplyDeleteThe best essay is "time" because I liked how it emphasizes the real use of time and how it can easily go away. The writer makes the word "time sound more tense due to the fact that each individual has to do so many things in so little time. Such that the reader understands and relates to the writer because of the stress, but the writer gives his story of managing the time right.
ReplyDeleteOut of the three sample essays I had read: Experience in My Life, Speak and Accepting Reality, I find Speak by Katrina A as the best one out of the bunch as it reflects on the struggle of expressing herself externally, but through poetry, she is capable of revealing more. The student did well in terms of using a quote in the beginning and how it helps tie the essay together. The fact that it zooms into the moment of joining poetry slam and the courage to perform her poems in front of others, it showcase growth as a person. The details scripted flows nicely throughout the narrative.
ReplyDeleteThe best essay to me was "My Life Story" because it shares a very positive story and shows how the person persevered and got themselves back on track. I like how the writer of this essay portrays themselve as someone who didn't give up which shows a lot about his character. Something they could improve on is choosing higher vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteThe essay that was the best was “My Life Story” by Carrie N. The author successfully interprets her transition from her life falling apart, to slowly getting back on track. She confidently describes her struggles to build a relatable connection to her readers. She also not only focuses on her failures, but she describes what action she took for her problems. The overall message of the essay about taking the wrong turn in life can be discussed by many people, however the author manages to organize her essay with good details and description. Vocabulary and sentence structure can be improved.
ReplyDeleteOut of the three essays, I think "My Life Story" is the best. This essay reflects the struggles and triumph of the author and not of other people. Carrie N. portrays the difficult phase a teenager goes through, but concludes with the writer's changed perspective on life. The overall essay was a bit negative, but success is reached towards the end. From the Don'ts list, I just think the essay was a bit lengthy and it took forever to get to the main point. I would advise Carrie N. on adding how (the hard work it took to bring grades up and what he used as motivation) he worked on getting better.
ReplyDeleteThe essay I enjoyed reading the most was "My Life Story" by Carrie N. I really liked how she described her situation and how she overcame it on her own. Something she could improve on is higher vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteFrom the three essays, the one that stood out to me was "Agnes" because they share something very important to the writer. Also i like that the writer of the essay stayed focus on themselves, even if they were talking about a cat, she was talking about something that she loved, which keeps her on track. What this essay can improve on is their last paragraph, they can stop asking questions that aren't necessary.
ReplyDeleteThe college essay that had the greatest meaning and stood out to me was "My Life Story" by Carrie N. Hillsboro. Not only does the author tells us about the negative side to them, referring to their mistakes but Carrie explains to us about how he/she tried to fix it and get back on track. She/he knew what they were doing was not the right thing to do, so that is why he/she changed her life back around before it was to late.Although the author on the other had had good connections, connections that can even be compared to Luis Rodriguez from the book Always Running. They both face hard times when they think that their lives are going "down hill" yet both make an effort to switch the outcome around and hope for the best.
ReplyDelete"My Role Model" is the essay i think has the best concept because it shows that parents can literally be teachers . Also the writer mentioned her mothers education level also so it may suggest you are never to old for school. "My Life Story " as an essay has a strong message but the writer should have focused more on how they drastically changed their life for the better .The essay which had the most Don'ts is "Anges" because the writer does not answer the prompt.
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ReplyDeleteOverall after reading 3 essays, the one that stood out to me was " My Life Story" by Carrie N. She recounted how her life was torn apart after the move and told us the steps she took to rebuild her life. She also described how she never gave up and told the story in a way that others could relate to her. Some thing she did well was that she talked about herself in pretty much most of the essay , but she could improve on using more complex vocabulary. Also most of the essay was negative, but as the story went on is stated to get positive. In my opinion the story should be more on the positive side talking about she tried to repair all her issues
ReplyDelete"My Next step" by Yoanna T was the best essay i read. The writer discusses her journey to America to pursue a better life. She shows her embrace of her culture while briefly using effective monologue in Spanish. This essay is very inspirational and serves a perspective of under-represented culture. The writer makes sure not to complain about their hardships and focuses on the actual overcoming and accomplishments she made.
ReplyDeleteI like the essay "The Rainy Day", this is a short essay; however, it contains lots of imagery, which I love to read works with imagery. I like the way the author compare himself to the drop of rain. The last sentence hits me the most, "After rain has gone, what next is a flower going to bloom." This sentence considers a metaphor, and it has a very deep meaning within it. Maybe because I could relate to it, children in my country usually run outside when it's raining and shower under the rain, I find this piece of short essay is very attractive and engage me.
ReplyDeleteThe best essay I found was an essay titled "Failing Successfully". In it, the author recounts a time where she had failed multiple times, but continuously aimed at bettering herself. I find it to be the best essay because she goes through the entire process of how she began to better herself, who else she admired had failed and still succeeded. Of the Do's, she was very concise, getting across a clear message of who she was. One of the don'ts, however, was that she began to speak a little too much on another character in her essay. Additionally, she gave a subtle h
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ReplyDelete"The power of words" sought out to me the most because the writer proved how to look beyond and towArds the bigger picture. They use their wording excellently and effectively in a sophisticated manner. The use of their evidence is stunning because it shows people can become much better and expand their minds if they open their eyes and actually see what's in front of them looking past the norms.
ReplyDelete" My Education" stood out to me the most in the best way. The writer successfully made clear what his purpose for furthering his education was. He admits to making his obstacles influence him in the worst way but he does over come them. The way he wrote about over coming his obstacles did not appear to be cliché to me. This is great because having a cliché in a personal statement wouldn't be a good thing. Maybe he could've talked less about the transitions in his life. Overall though it was a great essay!
ReplyDelete"Something About Myself" was an essay that stood out to me. The writer was able to use his everyday life to make a big connection of why knowledge is only useful when it is applied. The people he meets and the things he does brings applies what kind of person he is. At the beginning of the essay there is a definition of a law that is from his math lesson and that a great way to bring us into the moment in his class. The use of vivid details makes it a insightful and well written essay.
ReplyDeleteThe essay "Failing successfully" by Candace M., stood out to me the most because even though she had lost the speech competition, she was very positive about the results. She then found an inspiration through Abraham Lincoln's speech to write another essay, but she had failed the second time. She was still positive and even if she had lost again, she had discovered a new perspective.
ReplyDeleteThe essay that I enjoyed the most was "My Life Story". This story caught my interest because the writer talks about how she struggled in her life because she had trouble snapping into reality and I felt that I could personally relate to that. The essay was organized well and flowed very smooth. What the author did well was that she showed how the negativity molded her and allowed her to "snap into reality". The cons of this essay was that the author described a little too much negativity which gave off a feeling of pitty. However, this was the essay that interested me the most.
ReplyDeleteThe essay that I liked the most was "My Life Story" by Carrie N. because I can relate to this a bit. She opened up with how she felt then moved on to why she felt like that. She was stating how she made bad decisions on a change that she didn't want to happen, but then she saw how she wasn't doing any good seeing how her and her friends were getting in trouble so she decided to turn everything around she started thinking about herself and how she wanted to do better, overall this essay caught my attention the most.
ReplyDelete"My life story" is a great personal statement the writer chooses a part of her life that was the turning point of her life. She stayed honest without running on with her details and stook to her story all at once. She did leave some parts out of how she was before moving but the way she described herself when she moved was spot on. I can relate also because I also had to move schools and blaming it all on my parents for not moving me back but in reality it was my fault. This is why this essay in my opinion is the best out of the three because I can relate to the authors struggle.
ReplyDelete"My Education" by William T. Is the best essay because this person only focus in them self and did not use cliche sentences in thier essay. This person not only did he say an emotional story but also explained how he over came evey obstacle.The other reason why this essay stood out to me was because i can relate to them.
ReplyDelete"My Education" by William T. Is the best essay because this person only focus in them self and did not use cliche sentences in thier essay. This person not only did he say an emotional story but also explained how he over came evey obstacle.The other reason why this essay stood out to me was because i can relate to them.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, "Failing Successfully" by Candice M. was the best essay because it was a story of improving oneself and it's fine to fail as long as you learn something from it. The student did well in using a variety of words and syntax to make the essay intriguing and had an optimistic view of failing.
ReplyDeleteThe best essay I read had to be "Football" by James C. It was not what I was expecting. I was expecting the cheesy and cliche plot of "failing to make the team, making the team, and then game winning play." It was nothing like that actually. He talks about the lesson that football and his season-ending injury taught him. Effort and attitude will always be within your control and no matter what you have to do what needs to be done. The author even provides quotes from his coach, and a clever analogy of the bear. This story showed that the only thing that can really hold you back is you.
ReplyDeleteThe best essay I read had to be "Football" by James C. It was not what I was expecting. I was expecting the cheesy and cliche plot of "failing to make the team, making the team, and then game winning play." It was nothing like that actually. He talks about the lesson that football and his season-ending injury taught him. Effort and attitude will always be within your control and no matter what you have to do what needs to be done. The author even provides quotes from his coach, and a clever analogy of the bear. This story showed that the only thing that can really hold you back is you.
ReplyDeleteThe best essay I read had to be "Football" by James C. It was not what I was expecting. I was expecting the cheesy and cliche plot of "failing to make the team, making the team, and then game winning play." It was nothing like that actually. He talks about the lesson that football and his season-ending injury taught him. Effort and attitude will always be within your control and no matter what you have to do what needs to be done. The author even provides quotes from his coach, and a clever analogy of the bear. This story showed that the only thing that can really hold you back is you.
ReplyDeleteThe best essay I read was "My Dream" by Rachel P. because she writes positively about a difficult time in her life. She does not make excuses for herself and instead talks about how her father's illness has shaped her dreams. The student also demonstrates knowledge of the college that she is applying for and, although she talks about her father, she focuses the essay on herself.
ReplyDeletePersonally the best essay i have read was " My Dream" by Rachel P. for when i read the title i would have expected it to be another cliche type of essays about dreaming big or something. This essay surprised me because the author described a part of his life were life is not being to fair, but he uses it not for pity or remorse but instead he used it to show how it helped him be able to write for is if it was not for this event then he would be able to write about the reality the author lives in.The author enjoys writing and it shows within the essay the detail and also the passion is felt with precise use of words and complex syntax.
ReplyDeleteOut of all the examples I believe the best essay was Self Confidence because although the waves struck them down, fear ran through their body they did not give up. They got back up and went back out to the ocean. By having confidence in themselves it caused them to face the fear and conquer it, by not turning back they became a stronger person in general.
ReplyDeleteFlying by Linsday G. Hewlett was one of the best essays i read from the others because she grabs the readers attention right away in the title and intro. Not only that, but the writer focused on one event , wrote about herself , used figurative language to create a image as to what was going on, used hidden humor, and towards the end explains what she had learned/gained from that experience.
ReplyDeleteI think I would have to pick ''my role model" as the best one. Only because she brings you into her personal life and introduces her mother and how she really affected her . Yes I believe she should of spoke about herself more and not so much about her mother but it just shows how much her mother meant to her. She gave you a more inside look on her personal feeling unlike the other writers.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite one was My Hometown because it was really detailed and gives a lot of imagery. I enjoyed reading about her experience in a small town and relate to her similar feelings she has about her home. However, she could have talked more about her rather than her ancestors and the people of the town and could have used less cliches in her statement.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite essay was"my role model". The essay is very casual and clean. It does a great job in presenting her dream and aspiration through the use of a person. I enjoyed the detail and presentation. I did however think it was a bit to clechie. Kim uses a motherly image as the perfect image she wants to imitate.the essay also focuses to much on her mom.
ReplyDeleteOut of the three essays that I read, "Just Give Me a Chance" was the one essay that did some of the things that we discussed that should not be done. The writer starts off the essay by saying how she "has faced miles of hopelessness, years of pain, and an ocean of sorrow, but also has been drowning in her own tears looking for an escape", and leaves things on a negative note. She also describes herself to be ambitious but doesn't really show the readers what she has done to prove that she is. The writer should have focused on being more positive and showing rather than saying.
ReplyDeleteOut of the three sample essays I read, the one that really stood out to me was "five hundred words" by coleeeeee123. The way he/she repeated the the title throughout the essay really grasped my attention. He/ she talked about the situation in writing a personal statement and not knowing what to write. Then firmly states who he/ she is which is which is good because this essay is suppose to explain who you are. He/she also states who she will become giving that determined tone to the essay. Bringing the struggle of writing a personal essay into this person essay also reveals the reality and the opinion from them. Even though he/she stated that he/she is opinionated I would have already thought that without him/her saying that. I think this person did a very good job and I can't think of any "don'ts" that they did do because they just took my breath away.
ReplyDelete-samantha lopez
The essay I found amazing was called "Just Give Me a Chance." I really like how the writer didn't talk about how her life was full of problems, instead she compare her life with others to demonstrate that even though she has lived a tough life she is determine to succeed by just wanting a chance to be accept into college. She talks about her life her and there but doesn't make the reader feel sympathy for her.
ReplyDeleteThe essay that i found most interesting was, "Flying," by Lindsay G. I enjoyed this essay because the story she described is filled with suspense. It does not directly tell you what she is doing, but rather just explains how high she is and how she felt she was going to die. This is a nice example of a story where one had to face their fears although she says she didn't get over her fear of heights. From the list of don'ts, she didn't have much cliches and the ending was rather original.
ReplyDeleteAn essay I found engaging out of all others is called "Speak" by Katrina A. One thing she does well is the pace of her essay, the shifts and syntax in story are smooth and her last paragraph is intense with imagery and idea. I Like how she got the name of her essay by her poem "unspoken". One thing she is lacking in her personal essay is a bit more insight into her dream and aspirations.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, the essay that was the best for me was " My Life Story". The writer presents her life struggles and the downward spiral she was heading towards, but then realizes the path she was facing wasn't going got benefit her in any way and ended up changing her way of life. The writer did well on staying personal to herself and describing her life struggles, but what she needs to improve on is using more complex vocabulary and not sticking to much on the negative side.
ReplyDeleteThe essay I felt was the best was “Failing Successfully” by Candace M. because it was more vivid and thorough in comparison to the other two essays. What really caught my eye in this essay was that the author went in depth to one specific event; she starts off her essay with the day of a contest and explains nerve wreaking results where she finds out she didn’t place 1st, 2nd, or 3rd. On the Do’s list she did a great job on answering the prompt, one main specific event/scene, and is not cliche because she makes it her own by taking the reader to that specific contest day. She didn’t have much of Don’ts but one that caught my eye was the fact that she talked so much about Abraham Lincoln it almost made it seem like it was about him and not her.
ReplyDelete"My Role Model" is a great essay and topic. Although the writer could have done a few things to fix this essay. Such as when talking about her mother, she talked more about herself, she'll give many reasons why her mother is an inspiration but when it comes to how she inspired her, she'll write only a few sentences about herself. Also her choice of words are not so well and could have been proofread. Overall, I would keep the topic, it's a great essay only needs corrections.
ReplyDeleteI highly agree with Andrea Morales in the essay "My Role Model" therefore the author talks about how much her mom has done for her and how Kim explains that she wants to be just like her mom but I think Kim should talk a little bit more of herself. good topic, could relate to it.
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